How We Learn to Survive: Understanding Trauma, Complex Trauma, and Dissociation
An amazing feature of human beings is our ability to quickly and efficiently adapt to our environment. When it gets cold, we put on a jacket; when we move to a new school or job, we learn new routines; and when we visit a new country, we adjust to people around us speaking different languages. Similarly, when we experience overwhelming or threatening circumstances, we find ways to cope and protect ourselves. Sometimes, we are able to intentionally choose our reactions to threats or pressure, like choosing to leave a situation that feels unsafe or reaching out to someone we trust. Other times, our responses to stress happen automatically. For example, when a child touches a hot stove, they quickly pull their hand away and become less likely to touch it again.
As we experience the world, each of our experiences and responses, automatic or not, teach us patterns to use to navigate the world around us. When we react to threats or overwhelming experiences, we are developing response habits that help us feel safer or protect us from further harm. These responses develop for a reason, helping us meet a need or navigate our environments. Even when our circumstances change, the ways we learned to respond can continue to shape how we experience and respond to the world around us.¹
What is trauma?
The word trauma is often used to describe both what happened to us as well as the ways those experiences affect us. Trauma can result from experiences that overwhelm our ability to cope, threaten our safety or sense of self, or leave us feeling helpless, fearful, confused, or disconnected.¹ ²
Traumatic experiences can take many forms. They may involve a single event, such as an accident or assault, or they may occur repeatedly over time. Traumatic experiences can involve physical, psychological, or emotional harm, neglect, or betrayal, or other circumstances that profoundly affect a person's sense of safety and well-being.¹ ²
The effects of trauma are shaped not only by what happened, but also by the individual characteristics of the person who experienced the trauma and the context in which it occurred for them. Our previous experiences, relationships, developmental stage, resources, and environment can all influence how we respond.¹ ² As a result, the same experience can affect different people in very different ways.
Additionally, experiencing a traumatic event does not guarantee that it will have a lasting impact.³ Some people recover without significant long-term effects, while others may experience changes in their emotions, relationships, sense of self, or ability to feel safe for a short or long term period. The effects of trauma can also contribute to a range of psychological difficulties, including posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD), complex posttraumatic stress disorder (CPTSD), dissociative disorders, and other mental health concerns.¹
Understanding complex trauma
Not all traumatic experiences happen once or occur in isolation. Trauma is considered “Complex Trauma” when experiences are repeated, prolonged, interpersonal, or occur during important periods of development. This can be especially significant when the experiences occur within important relationships, particularly when we have limited ability to leave, protect ourselves, or seek support elsewhere.¹ ⁴
These cumulative experiences may shape how we understand ourselves, other people, our relationships, and the world around us. For example, we may learn that closeness comes with a cost, that our needs will burden others, or that we have to anticipate what other people want in order to stay safe.⁴
These patterns make sense in the context of what we have experienced. They develop specifically to help us navigate difficult environments, protect us from harm, maintain important relationships, or meet unmet needs. As our lives change, we may find ourselves responding to present circumstances based on what we learned from the past, even if they no longer apply. Understanding where these patterns came from can help us approach them with greater curiosity and less self-blame.¹
It is also important to distinguish complex trauma from Complex PTSD (CPTSD). Complex trauma refers to a history of repeated or prolonged traumatic experiences and their effects, while CPTSD is a specific diagnosis related to complex trauma.⁵
Dissociation: when the mind protects us by disconnecting
Dissociation is a way of disconnecting from our thoughts, feelings, memories, bodies, or surroundings. When experiences feel overwhelming or inescapable, this disconnection can create psychological distance from what we are experiencing, creating a temporary sense of safety or distance from the distress.¹ If we are unable to physically leave, dissociation allows us to mentally leave.
Dissociation exists on a spectrum. We may experience it in everyday ways, such as zoning out or becoming absorbed in an activity, or in more significant ways, such as feeling detached from ourselves or our surroundings, feeling emotionally numb, or having difficulty remembering what happened. While dissociation is often associated with trauma, particularly complex trauma, experiencing dissociation does not necessarily mean that someone has experienced trauma or has a dissociative disorder.¹
Like other protective responses, dissociation can make sense in the context in which it developed. When there is no way to change or escape what is happening, disconnecting from the experience can help us get through it.¹ Dissociation can also be uncomfortable and anxiety-provoking and, when it occurs outside of the circumstances in which it developed, can make it difficult for us to engage in life the way we would like.
Understanding dissociation can help us become curious about when it happens, what it may be protecting or attempting to protect us from, and whether we have other ways of responding when we no longer need to disconnect in the same way.
Making sense of our responses to trauma
The way we adapt and respond to traumatic events are not flaws in us; they are protective responses that our brain developed for a reason. A response does not have to be “healthy” for it to make sense. Often, avoidance, substance use, self-harm, people-pleasing, and emotional disconnection are attempts to meet a need, reduce suffering, or survive an experience that feels unbearable. Recognizing the wisdom in these responses does not mean that we have to continue them. Instead, it allows us to approach ourselves with curiosity and compassion rather than judgment, so we can consider finding more skillful ways to meet the same need.
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How therapy can help us develop new ways of being
Understanding why we developed certain patterns can be an important first step toward healing after trauma. Therapy can provide a space to become curious about these patterns, understand where they came from, and explore what needs they have been helping us meet.¹
Exploring our responses to trauma is not about simply getting rid of patterns like avoidance, emotional disconnection, or people-pleasing. Therapy can help us develop greater awareness and agency in how we navigate difficult experiences. We can begin to recognize when an old pattern is showing up, understand how it may be helping us, and explore whether we continue using this response or if there are other ways to meet the same need.
The therapeutic relationship can be an important part of this process. Experiencing a relationship where we can be honest, express our needs, set boundaries, and feel understood can give us opportunities to practice new ways of relating to ourselves and others.¹ ⁴ ⁶ Over time, this can help us develop a greater sense of safety, empowerment, and freedom in our lives.
Ultimately, healing does not mean becoming a different person or erasing the ways we learned to survive. It can mean understanding ourselves more deeply, appreciating the wisdom in how we have adapted, and choosing how we want to move through the world.
If you are struggling with the lasting effects of trauma, complex trauma, or chronic stress, you don’t have to navigate healing alone. Reach out to us at Expand Psychology to build a therapeutic relationship grounded in trust, understanding, and support. Schedule a free 15-minute phone consultation with an experienced therapist to learn more about how therapy can help.
References
World Health Organization. (2024). Post-traumatic stress disorder. World Health Organization.
Ellis, A. E., Simiola, V., Brown, L., Courtois, C., & Cook, J. M. (2018). The role of evidence-based therapy relationships on treatment outcome for adults with trauma: A systematic review. Journal of Trauma & Dissociation, 19(2), 185–213. https://doi.org/10.1080/15299732.2017.1329771
Tim Stewart, M.A., is a Post-Doctoral Resident at Expand Psychology who works with adolescents and adults using a relational, existential-humanistic, and feminist approach. He specializes in working with trauma, dissociation, anxiety, and depression.
This content is for informational purposes only and does not constitute mental health treatment. If you are in crisis call 911 or contact your local crisis hotline immediately.